Copyright © Louis Schmier and Atwood Publishing.
Date: Sat 2/22/2003 9:32 AM
Random Thought: Cogito Ergo Sum
What a walk this morning. Finally, I was given long distance
permission by my angel to hit the streets. Beat the thunder, lightning,
wind, and torrenial downpour. If I hadn't, I surely would have landed in
Oz. It was only a tad dense. I didn't really notice either the coolness
or the dampness or the soupiness this dark, foggy morning. It just felt
good walking the streets. I felt like I was moving through the opaque
darkness seamlessly engaged in a spirit dance. I was concentrating on a
rhythm I've hearing over and over and over again, "cogito ergo sum,"
"cogito ergo sum," "cogito ergo sum." It was like experiencing mobile
drumming. I've had that three beat cadence inside me for almost two
weeks. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Why would I? It is
a beat that has been giving me a sense of rapture and joy, of awe and
wonder, of amazement, and of such serenity.
"Cogito Ergo Sum." It translates from the Latin as: "I think,
therefore, I am." That's what Rene Decartes, the 17th century
mathematician/philosopher postulated as he struggled to reconcile faith
and reason, traditional religion and the new kid on the block called
science. For almost two weeks, I had been giving this seminal proposition
my own pretzel-like twist and thinking about the blanks Decartes left in
that statement. That is, just what is it that I think? First I have a
thought, then I act on that thought; first I have a belief, then there is
a consequence of that belief; first a thought, then a result to that
thought. That is, I think _________, therefore I am __________: "I think
I am happy, therefore I am happy." "I think I am frustrated, therefore I
am frustrated." "I think I am creative, therefore I am creative." "I
think I am too busy, therefore I am too busy." "I think I have time to
relax by my pond, therefore I have time to relax before my pond." "I am
angry, therefore I am angry." "I am peaceful, therefore I am peaceful."
"I think I am small and insignificant, therefore I am small and
insignificant." Whatever I choose to think, therefore I am.
I'm getting ahead of my story. We have to go back eleven days.
It was a Tuesday, the day of the "Picasso Project." This project
was a new "let's see what will happen with this one" idea I had. The
entire class was to paint a twenty foot long abstract Guernica-like mural
depicting the themes, issues, and events of the chapter on Reconstruction.
The students rushed into the room and pushed the desks to the four walls.
Their piles of coats, back packs and "stuff" resembled a Salvation Army
drop-off center. I rolled out the butcher paper the full length of the
classroom and bedlam broke out. The noise! The movement! The students
pounced on the paper like ravenous predators. Along the full length of
the paper, on both sides, they swarmed like ants along a honey trail.
They huddled in their communities, bent over on their haunches, went to
their hands and knees, enjoyed laughed, talked, discussed, jumped about,
ran around, translated words and concepts into images, questioned,
answered, argued, learned from each other, cooperated, coordinated, paged
through the books, pointed their fingers at sentneces, lauded each other,
organized, taught each other, twisted their faces in problem-solving
contortions, concentrated, figured-out, drew, colored in, applauded,
hurled markers at each other. Every time someone yelled out a "Can
we...." someone else quickly shouted it down with a "Remember the chair!"
It was a creative cacaphony. And the mural took shape.
It was happening fast and furious, faster and more furious than I
thought it would. It didn't look like the project was going to take the
two days I had schedule during the previous class' "housekeeping" session.
I was in a bind. I didn't want to waste a day. And yet, I didn't want to
cut anyone off at their creative legs. Then, one of those miraculous
moments that you pray for and dare not hope will ever happen happened.
As I was standing at one end of the mural, diminutive and very
quiet Lacey "secretly" slid up to my side in a way that she hoped no one
would notice her. In a low nervous whisper, she said, "Dr. Schmier, this
project isn't going to take two days. We'll just procrastinate on
Thursday to put off Tidbits. Why don't you tell them that they have to
finish the project is today and we'll do Tidbits on Thursday."
"Yeah, you're right. You won't need another day. Why don't you
tell them," I quietly answered with a soft smile.
Horrified at my unexpected answer, she almost stuttered in a
self-defeating agonized voice, "Oh, they wouldn't listen to me."
I pantomimed by response by pointing to the "Words of the Day" on
the board. She turned her heard to read them once again: "Do ordinary
things in an extraordinary way and the result will be extraordinary." I
had selected these words as the theme for the mural. I hadn't thought it
would the theme for Lacey.
With a pained and frightened "oh, my god" expression flooding her
face, she went taut, "Oh, I couldn't do that!"
"Why?"
"I'm so ordinary, no one would listen to me. No one ever has,"
showing how "small" Lacey had disempowered herself with small thoughts
about herself.
Without thinking, and I still don't know why I said it, I replied
to her quietly, "Cogito ergo sum. I think therefore I am. If you think
you are ordinary, you will be ordinary. Do you want to remain ordinary?"
"I'm shy," she answered with a non-answer
"So you say. What if you're being held back only by what's in
your spirit. Do you like being shy?"
"No"
"Cogito ego sum. I think whatever, therefore I am whatever.
You fill in the blank 'whatever. It's your choice to think whether you're
shy or not. Whatever you think most about is exactly what you'll
get and what you'll start to be! If you start thinking you're not
shy..... Cogito ergo sum."
"I'm just a little nothing girl. No one has ever noticed me."
"Cogito ergo sum. Do you want to be a 'nothing little girl?'"
"No."
"Then, here's your chance to stop being one. Cogito ergo sum. I
think I am just a 'nothing little girl, I am a 'nothing little girl. I
think I am a something tall woman, I am a tall something woman."
"It's not that simple. I've always been that way."
"Maybe. Maybe 'always been' is not the same as 'forever.'"
"It's hard. You do it for me. You tell them what I said."
"You want the easy way out. You want to hide behind me and let me
use my authority for you. You want me to voice my agreement with you so
they will listen to you when actually they'll be listening to me. Won't
do it. Either you say something or we'll waste a day. Cogito ergo sum."
"I'm scared."
"It's okay to have scare. Don't let the scare have you.
Remember when I told the class about my epiphany? If you think it's
hopeless, it seems hopeless, and it will be hopeless. I found I could
turn hopeless into hopeful. It was only my belief, my thought, that said
it is hopeless. I struggled to change my belief. It wasn't easy, but
that is what it took. Cogito ergo sum."
"They may not like me after I say something." Another defensive
weapon pulled from her arsenal.
I parried. "It's risky. There may be a tomato or two. Then
again, there may not be. Trust them and trust yourself. Cogito ergo
sum."
"It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is."
"Don't you think it's impossible?"
"Do you. Remember what I once said, 'Impossible things are done
every day.'"
Oh, she wanted to take that leap. She looked around for some kind
of help. Then, it started to happen. Another student, Kim, leaning over
the mural had been listening. Without lifting her head and talking to the
paper, she interrupted, "Lacey, you're right." Lacy looked at her stunned.
Then, another student on the other side of the paper looked up, "I agree.
Go ahead tell everyone. We'll here behind you. We'll support whatever
you say."
Lacey looked at me with a "what will I do" look. She was on the
edge of the cliff. I answered with an encouraging go for it, soar high
"Cogito ergo sum."
Slowly, I thought I notice her starting to transform and "mount up
with wings like eagles." Slowly, I thought I saw her daring to believe
she would be heard more than she had ever been heard before, to think it
was possible to soar higher than she ever soared before and to dream
bigger dreams. and fulfill a calling that we never thought possible.
Breath by breath, I dared not to think I saw her strengthen herself to
have the ability to do far more than she ever thought possible before.
"Okay," she gasped. So did I.
Kim screamed out, "Hey, quiet down. Lacey has something to say."
Kim nodded encouragement. Then, I saw Lacey jump off the ledge,
fly into the wind, lift herself above her turbulence, and soar like an
eagle farther and higher and better than she ever thought possible before.
"Hey, we're just about finished. Let's be honest. We don't
really need another day. We can still do Tidbits Thursday like they were
originally scheduled. Why don't we spend about ten minute of Thursday to
put the finishing touches to the mural. We ought to hang it somewhere on
campus. So, let's decide that on Thursday and hang it. Then, we'll come
back and do Tidbits."
To her amazement, not one tomato came hurling at her. She didn't
become a target for one dart of objection. She didn't see one sneer or
gnarl. All she heard was a chorus of smiling and agreeing "you're right,"
"good idea," "okay," "I was thinking the same thing," "let's do that."
When class broke, I saw students come up to Lacey. "That took
guts." "I could never have done it." "Good job." A couple of them gave
her a tight congratulatory hug.
As Lacey walked towards me I could have sworn she grew a bunch of
inches. She was beaming. All I said, "Cogito ergo sum. Started growing
in that something tall women today?"
She nodded and replied, "I'm going to journal about this."
In her journal, which she gave me permission to share, she wrote:
I learned that no matter how small or afraid you are, to do
something just do it. If you don't take the risk, you will
never live or know what you missed. On the way home, I was
listening to a Garth Brooks cd and he has a line in a song
that goes--life is not tried it's merely survived if you're
standing outside the fire. In a way, it applies. I like
to 'stand outside the fire' and look at other people make
a stand. This time I jumped in the fire and stood up for
what I believe in. I was a leader!
As I have been thinking about this profound "wow" moment. I
started wondering. If education is in trouble, it is not for lack of
information; it is not for a lack technology; it is not for a lack of
public concern; it certainly is not for a lack of testing. Maybe
education's woes rest on the fact that too many of us both inside and
outside the ivory tower have swum out from of what I'll call the "deep
education" have beached ourselves in the shallows; maybe education's woes
rest on a lack of affirmation of the absolute uniqueness and dignity of
every human being, and maybe it's lost its sense of awe and marvel at each
and every student and a sense of continuously renewed surprise at the
wonder of each human life.
Sometime ago, I came across this prayer by Joshua Abraham Heschel.
It's hanging on the wall near my computer. I read it every morning before
I head for the campus. I'm reading it now:
Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder.
Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in
every crevice of your universe. Each day
enrapture me with your marvelous things
without number....... I do not ask to see
the reason for it all: I ask only to share
the wonder of it all."
A little less than two weeks ago that prayer was answered with
Lacey.
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