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Copyright © Louis Schmier and Atwood Publishing.
Date: Thu 9/30/2004 3:59 AM
Random Thought: The Happiness in Teaching
I think the questions thrown at me that I find the most curious, and
admittedly at times annoying, are: "Are you still teaching?" "Why haven't
you retired yet?" The question is usually wrapped in an air of disbelief.
It's as if they're wondering why don't I go off into the wild blue yonder.
Because I'm already flying high, my usually quick answer is a beaming, "I'm
still having fun." And, I am.
Lately, I've been thinking about the meaning of that sentence. I'm not
sure why. Maybe it because when I look at their faces, read their body
language, hear the tone of their voices as they throw that question at me, I
always sense a subtle forlorn dissatisfaction, unfulfillment, and
despondency in their lives. It's as if they're really struggling to
understand, "how can you still enjoy what you're doing after so long?" It's
if they're asking for directions out from their imprisoning rut. It's as if
they're not having fun, don't really enjoy their work, aren't truly happy,
can't believe or understand how I can be, and maybe are jealous that I am.
Sometimes I even sense a resentment that I haven't died inside as they have.
It's as if there's an emptiness they're wish they can fill that's conveyed
in that Peggy Lee song "Is That All There Is?" Maybe, I'm putting too much
into it. Maybe it's just the timing.
I'm in a particularly reflective mood. It's sort of a spiritual morning
after the night before. We of the Jewish faith have just finished a period
of deep, nearly hypnotic, reflection induce by the High Holy Days that
begins with Rosh Hashanah, a celebration of a new year, and ends with Yom
Kippur, a solemn day of atonement for our human shortcomings. It's a
powerful and profound ten days called "the Days of Awe" It's a daunting
time when we give ourselves a moral report card. The idea is to pause from
our daily lives and evaluate how we feel about ourselves and our lives when
we're alone, to examine the state of our souls, to assess our moral and
ethical strength, to hold ourselves accountable for the inevitable gaps
between professed values and taken actions. The purpose is to reaffirm our
moral duty to improve who we are, to come closer to being a "mensch," a
person of character.
So, here I am examining my professional life. After 36 years in the
classroom at Valdosta State, about to become the senior faculty member on
campus, what do I mean when I say I am having fun? I mean, especially
after the last week, that I don't know what lethargy, listlessness, apathy,
dreary sameness, or boredom are. I mean I know that I am still doing good,
which certainly does me a lot of good, and there is more good to do. I mean
today I've got my pedal to the metal and am not coasting. I mean I've got
get up and go, and I am not counting down the days to go. I mean that I
feel my place is in the very place I am. I mean I am spry and agile. I
mean everyday is a new and unique day of adventure, quest, and discovery. I
mean still jump energetically out of bed each morning and dance joyously to
campus with a committed "yes" in my heart and passionate throwing of all of
myself into teaching. I mean everyday I feel like the burning bush: still
on fire, but not getting consumed and burning out.
I guess what all this means, and could go on, is that when I say, "I'm
still having fun," I really mean "I'm happy." I think being happy conveys
a less intense of a state than fun and pleasure. I think, however, it is a
more lasting and more durable feeling of well-being, accomplishment, and
fulfillment. It's an excited wholeheartedness that's at my core that
carries a special kind of warm, fresh, vigorous, and boundless energy.
Happiness, for me, is a state of quiet, and sincere, satisfaction with my
life however imperfect and underpaid it may be. If there's an art to living
a life of happy teaching, it is banishing routinous and dulling busyness; it
is fertilizing your own lawn with nutrients of excitement, so that it is
greener than the other guy's; it is enjoying--truly enjoying--what you're
doing and who you are, but also working at getting better at both.
So, maybe my better answer to those questions should be: "I'm still happy
with what I'm doing.
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