Date: Tue, 6 May 1997 08:17:57 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Random Thought: What Would We Do?
I was out
walking on the pre-dawn streets of Valdosta this morning,
just enjoying this "getting to know myself"
time, not thinking about much of anything--so I had
convinced myself--when during the last leg of my five
mile route little bits and pieces of a an on-going
conversation I had had on the interent with a virtual
friend in Australia a while back about some difficulties
she was experiencing at her institution started floating
into my consciousness and coming together as if I was
leaning over a table and putting together a jug-saw
puzzle. I
don't know why it popped into my head. Sometimes it's
better not to ask. No, that's not being honest. Actually,
I do know why. I've been thinking a lot about something
that recently occurred and has put my integrity and
authenticity to the test, but is better left publicly
unsaid. Anyway, it seemed her comments were always
punctuated by the hesitant-inducing, looking over the
shoulder "If only" and "What if"
phrases that so often are cold, hard links in the
restricting chain we forge around our hearts and bodies
that chill our spirits and weaken our daring and drain
our energy and sap our enthusiasm and slow if not halt
our movements: "If only I could...." "What
if it didn't...." "If only they would...."
"What if it causes...." "If only it didn't
affect...." Her last message ended with a resigned,
tired, almost surrendering, verbal sigh, "Oh, well,
maybe it would be better if I shouldn't....."
I know I
am being cryptic. And, I apologize for that, but
recalling that old exchange from last year unexpectedly
stirred something in me this morning and gave shape to
some of my feelings that I would like to share.
I started
thinking over and overin cadence to the final steps of my
walk: what would we educators do inside and outside the
classroom if we weren't afraid to be wrong, if we weren't
afraid to fail, if we weren't afraid of how we would
apprear to others, if we weren't afraid of what others
would would say and do, and if we weren't afraid for our
reputations and positions?