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Copyright © 1997, Louis Schmier and Atwood Publishing.
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 07:22:36 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Random Thought: Jobs, Jobs, Jobs
Good morning. A real early good morning. It's 3:15 and I can't sleep.
Even the glass of warm milk didn't work. Having a massive house
rennovation those horrors tales rival that of "Mister Blanding Builds His
Dream House" and "The Money Pit" combined will do that. I put my book
down after a while and started flipping through the 402 infomercials on
TV. I discovered to my amazement how I could so easily earn a million
dollars a month in real estate without investing any money, how I could
become an astropysicist using two video tapes, how I could clean my white
carpets wearing an Amani suit with a space age vacuum that gets out every
conceiveable stain, how I can become the world's greatest chef by just
purchasing a set of knives or a shredder, how I can preserve for the next
millenium that food I prepared with the knives and shredder, how I can get
perfectly clean teeth to match my carpets, how I can paint my house in
pressed workclothes without a drip or getting a speck of paint on me or
anything else, and how I can get a body that would rival Arnold
Schwatzenegger with only 15 second daily workouts.
As I giggled and smirked and laughed, I started thinking how we who
promote our campuses are noe appreciable different from the modern
electronic pushcart salespeople. My smirks slowly faded. We offer the
same type of guarantees, sell the same kind of miraculous product, and
we're just as smooth about it. Slowly images of college recruiters
started dancing in my head like the upcoming season's sugar plum fairies.
I saw them scurrying around high school halls, setting up booths in high
school gyms during "College night," giving families VIP tours of our
campus fountains and buildings and sports fields, rousting out prospective
first year students. I saw them handing out Madison Avenue brochures with
pictures of Morris Agency models strolling across immaculate campuses,
sitting on the edge of their cushioned easy chairs listening attentively
to a smiling, made-up professor orating, leisurely dining in a four-star
campus cafeteria, joyfully assisted by librarians with not one hair out of
place in the campus Library of Congress, dressed in designer labcoats
intently studying a test tube or peering at a computer screen. Each booth
has a eye-catching neon sign worthy of Broadway flashing in vivid colors
that would be the envy of any Las Vegas casino:
DEGREE....JOB....SALARY....SUCCESS; DEGREE....JOB....SALARY....STATUS.
Each booth had a computer that was showing on a website all sorts of
images of their collegiate spa.
I heard these recruiters screaming out from booths in high schools'
college night like two-bit barkers at a carnival, I saw them quietly and
seductively enticing parents touring our campus: "Do you want to advance
in life? Do want to gain respect? Well, my friend, for the small price of
a ticket you can see the secret. Get a peek inside and you'lll see the
wonder of getting a better job."
Like a salesman on a TV infomercial, they dragged out the testimonials: "I
was a slave to someone all my life? But, I am here as an alum to tell you
that you don't have to scrimp and save every minute of the day. I used to
worry about bills all the time and live on a tight budget from month to
month. But, after getting my degree from Touting University, I'm here to
tell you that you can be somebody. The people at Touting gave me the
solution for all my financial problems, the cure for all my economic
headaches. They gave me a college degree." And then, the salesperson
turns to the camera, forcefuly saying, "Put the broom down. Walk way from
the production line. Get out of the ditch. Stop standing on your feet
all day. Be your own boss. It's a way to make all your hard work easy.
Today only, on special, I have in my hand this piece of sheepkin that I
guarantee will get you A BETTER JOB; you'll MAKE MORE MONEY"; you'll BE
SUCCESSFUL; you'll have "EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED; you'll START AT A
HIGHER SALARY, have higher STATUS in your community. I GUARANTEE that no
one will look down on you; everyone will respect you; you'll become a
PROFESSIONAL."
Stretching it a bit? Maybe. But think about it. We bark like those
hawkers at a carnival booth or promoters on the informercials, we hire
recruiting consultant, we tout that our only job is to insure the students
gets a job. Our brochures, web pages, magazine and newspaper
advertisements link education and success and achievement to a job and
salary scale. We've got the answer to the question; we've unlocked the
secret; we've got the magic elixir; we've solve the problem; we've
answered the question. COME TO COLLEGE AND EARN A DEGREE and GET A JOB,
and all your worries will be allayed.
And some on our college and university campus will rise up in outrage,
arguing that votech schools offer jobs, colleges and universities offer
professions. We claim to be the botique in the educational mall. Listen
to the salesperson's snooty pitch:
"We're not K-Mart votechnical institute. Go there if you want to
be just a mechanic. We offer only a degree in mechanical engineering."
"Go to Walmart Community College if you want to be a mere x-ray
technician," he snobishly sneers. "Here, we offer only the highest
quality. In your graduating class, you will be high class, a
radiologist."
"We don't have stores in strip malls," We cater only to high
educational society. "Target Technical College will teach you to be a
merely dental assistant. We only train future dentists." "We teach people
how to clean the air, not merely install air conditioners like Family
Dollar Junior College."
Oh, we dress up our displays; we decorate our windows; we merchandise our
product with smooth advertising; and we package everything in fancy gift
wrap. We call ourselves "Universities!" We call our product a profession
or productive careet--never a job. But, the truth is, as the bard might
say, a job by another name is still a job. Well, somehow it seems that he
only difference between us colleges and universities and those supposedly
lowly votech schools and common community colleges is that we claim we can
offer a better product, offer the prospects of a better job, higher
salary, more prestige, more success, more achivement, a better place in
the workplace. Yet, when you come down it we're touting ourselves as
glorified vocational/technical schools, white-collar and professionalism
not withstanding; we do more training and schooling than we do educating;
we are more concerned with incomes than the outcomes.
So, why should be be outraged when students come to us with a greater
interest in interest than in interesting knowledge. Why should we shake
our heads in disappointment when students are only concerned with earning
rather than with the sheer joy of learning? Why should we moan and groan
when an athlete is attracted by the big cents and does not sense the need
to get a degree? Why should we mournfully tear our clothes when a
business major becomes a drop out swayed more by the dollar sign than the
president's signing of the diploma? Why should we throw up our hands in
righteous indignation when a theater or music major leaves school for a
role or a gig feeling it is more significant to walk down a theater aisle
or play on a stage than walk down a graduating aisle and across the stage?
We should be disappointed or confused or angry. To the contrary, we
should feel good and celebrate. After all, we kept our promise to them. We
told them that our business is business, and they got a job.
Oh, well back to seeing how I can perfectly restore my 1963 Mustang with a
can of polish.
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