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Copyright © Louis Schmier and Atwood Publishing.
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 11:27:51 -0400 (EDT)
Random Thought: Happy Teaching
Good morning. And, it is a good morning. My walk, that started
out as a reluctant trudge ended up as a dance. Let me tell you why. It
has meaning for our teaching.
But, I'm going to be a a tad cryptical this morning because the
situation is so personal. People often ask me why I am always so happy. My
answer is simple, "Because I choose to be happy." I made a lousy choice
yesterday. I chose to be unhappy. It was proof that if I choose to find
the awful, as I did, I will be cursed; I will be deafened and blinded and
paralyze; I will feel powerless and lesser and hopeless; I will sneer and
have an awful day. Happiness is largely MY decision to make, no one
else's. And, this morning I learned as I journied the dark, cool streets
of pre-dawn Valdosta, that the journey is long, hard, and slow. I learned
that the journey, in fact, is never over, and that yesterday I hesitated
on my journey by building constricting barriers made from the floatsam of
self-imposed sadness.
This morning, as I walked, I came upon a large crack in the road.
I suddenly realized that I was facing a crack that revealed a yet to be
healed crack in my soul, and I tripped over it and had momentarily lost my
balance. Yesterday, I had forgotten that I am only as happy as those
things or persons which I allow to sadden me. No, no one or one thing was
really saddening me. I was making myself unhappy. I own my own emotions,
and I was hurting myself. I was being as small and disrespectful OF
MYSELF. This morning, that realization dawned on me as dawn approached
and shook me out of a subtle dusk that had quickly crept up and that I
allowed to envelope me in darkness.
I also relearned a simple truth about happiness. How easy it is
to be happy in happy situations, but how meaningful it is to be happy and
feel alive in spite of unhappy situations. I have to work at happiness. I
have to work to see the sun shining on a dismal and rainy day. Anyone can
be unhappy. That takes no courage, no effort as I knew yesterday. It
just takes energy draining surrendering of enthusiasm and excitement. I
don't think there is anything automatic about happiness. I don't think it
just happens as a result of good things happening to us over which we have
no control. I find that there is little relationship between the
circumstances of a person's life and how happy that person is. True
happiness lay in struggling to be happy. That is true in all facets of
life including my teaching. So, let me shift my thoughts about happiness
to my teaching.
To paraphrase Emerson, I don't believe that any good teaching is
achieved without enthusiasm for yourself and people. And enthusiastic
teaching doesn't occur without being happy, without being turned on and
lit up and getting a kick out of each person and with yourself in that
classroom. I think we owe it to ourselves and every person around us to be
a happy educator.
I am now even more aware that happy and unhappy teaching are under
my control. I decide what and who I like and don't like, what and who I
love and don't love. I am a happy teacher because I choose to be happy
about each student, no matter what the circumstances. I don't wait for it;
I go looking for it. I fight hard, not always successfully as yesterday's
momentary lapse indicated, not to let mythologies, games, and/or fixations
permanently get hold of me.
How do I fight to stay happy? Glad you asked. First, I am now
grateful! Grateful for what I have, who I am, where I am, what I do and
can do, and who I can be. I don't think an ungrateful educator, having
once been one until eight years ago, can be happy and I don't think
complaining educators are happy either. Second, I far more often than not
resist the ravages of the "perfect student" syndrome. Third, I don't play
the comparison game, comparing myself with anyone else's resume or
reputation or salary scale, wondering about a bunch of "could haves" and
"would haves" and "should haves." Fourth, I just won't my happiness be
sabotaged by fixating on students' imperfections. Fifth, I also realize
that happiness is a product of having a purpose. It's energized by a
vision. And finally, I find the positive in virtually every situation and
every student. I just don't stand there lazily on the side of life's road,
idly sticking out my thumb, waiting for happiness to stop and give me a
lift.
Sometimes I feel like Long John Silver forever having a nagging
parrot on my shoulder as a guiding spirit, an instigator. Yesterday, I
temporarily gagged that bird. But, this morning it broke free. That
parrot is an internal critic, not a naysayer or a censor, that bullies me
along. It's always saying as it said this morning, "Listen Schmier, I
have to have a serious talk with you. You're getting too close to being
smug and complacent. You're letting things get to you. If you don't want
them to get the better of you, this is what you have to do...." This
morning I started listening once again. That parrot always wins in the
end. It won't let me sit or stand in one place. It won't let me frown
for long. It won't let me succumb to the debilitating ravages of either
those "perfect student" or "broken tile" syndrome. There is no fighting
that feathered pest. That damn bird keeps me restless and excited, forcing
me to take what comes, to just close my eyes and take a deep breath and
smile, to go walking on with a comforting whistle or tune to ward away any
potential sadness. I use that bird of happiness and attach it to the
problem of learning and teaching; it motivates me to seek out a new
situation to work on; it sharpens my awareness to each person around me,
makes me more sensitive to my surroundings, it gives me an alertness and
intensity: eyes searching and ears perked and muscle taut. It guides me
to see each student each day in each class as something new and mysterious
to wonder about and marvel at, and with which to deal. It won't let me
stuff myself into some confining categorizing box. It keeps me
free-floating. It keeps me loose. It urges me go on to the next problem,
the next situation, the next person. It makes me unpredictable in an
unpredicatable world and changing in a changing world. It never allows me
to catch up with my goals because my goals are changing as each person in
that class changes. So, I can't say, "I've been there; I've done it;
I've seen it." Simply because I haven't. I go into each class and expect
to discover new things; and I do. I go into each class expecting to see
new people; and I do. I go into each class expecting a miracle to occur,
and it does. Even Thoreau left the bliss of Walden Pond for the same
reason he went there: he had new lives to live.
So, once again, I know this to be true: if I choose to find the
positive in virtually every student, every day, in every classroom; if I
choose to have hope, faith, belief, love in every student, every day will
be a happy one of discovery. I will be excited and I will be happy. I
will be blessed with joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, and days overflowing
with "wows." I will be proud of who I am and what I do. I will not go to
bed one night weighted down by one "might have been" or an "if only,"
feeling ashamed or disappointed or unhappy or burned out. On the other
hand, if I choose to find the awful, the negative, the disappointment, the
sadness, discouragement, and days overflowing with "yuks" and "ughs;" if I
am fearful; if I see each class as something old hat, something routine,
something "here we go again;" if I kvetch about student imperfections; if
I do not have hope, belief, and faith I will lose my youthful spring, be
cursed with boredom, depression, purposelessness, disappointment,
discouragement, that may evolve into an anger. I will get kicked around
in the classroom rather that getting a kick out being in the classroom.
The classroom will be stormy instead of sunlit. I won't give it all I
have; I will give it just enough to get it over. That choice is mine and
mine alone. There is no one or anything else to blame. Nothing and no
one makes me decide whether to be happy or unhappy, lit up or burnt out.
Now some of you may say I am idealistic. Maybe. But, after
yesterday, I'm glad I am walking this cheery road once again with a smile
on my face and an excitement in my spirit. I look at all those people in
each class and it is almost like seeing a stain glass in motion, It's
beautiful, uplifing, fulfilling. Believe me it beats the dismay, swampy
alternative that I trudged through yesterday.
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